Friday, January 16, 2009

To Libs: I Want A Divorce!

I found this fantastic article while surfing the net, and I want to share it with my libertarian leaning, conservative, and liberal friends. It sounds like a very reasonable idea to me. See if you agree.
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot, and will not ever agree on what is right, so let’s just end it on friendly terms. We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, and go our own way…

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don’t like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O’Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them) …

We’ll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s, and rednecks. We’ll keep the bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we’ll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security…

We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We’ll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare, if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We’ll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I’m sure you’ll be happy to substitute Imagine, I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya, or We Are the World.

We’ll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you we’ll also keep our history, our name, and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots, and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall.
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand.

— [Hat Tip: StuGil]

This is so awesome! Imagine having not to fight over whether or not a child is a life? Imagine being able to pray in school or teach your children at home? Imagine not having to believe in God and NOT being offended when others do? Imagine being able to keep what you earn instead of paying for the mistakes and stupid decisions of others when you were careful not to make those same mistakes? Imagine being proud of our country and not having to look over your shoulder to make sure there's not an anti-war protester idiot there. WOW!

Finally. And they could live in their own utopia...until they figure out their way does not work. We must have in our new constitution an amendment that declares that anyone who comes on our property must have permission, must not be ill, must speak English (or be willing to learn it), and cannot receive ANYTHING that citizens are paying taxes for...PERIOD.

That way there is no dispute with what to do with animals whose only desire it is to murder us. In this regard, every household should be required to own their own firepower. It used to be that way. Remember the minutemen? Imagine if they had to have a waiting period as the Red Coats were approaching? OMG! (lol) Ya'll have a great day!

Hat tip: ZardozZ News & Satire.

May you walk with the LORD always, and when you cannot take another step, may He carry you the rest of the way until you can walk along side Him again.

Linkfest Haven, the Blogger's Oasis

Please feel free to share your best posts with my readers on a daily basis. Just remember to add my permalink to the bottom of your post, then trackpost to me. Thank you. You don't have trackbacks available? Why not use Wizbang Stand Alone Trackback? Everyone have a nice day.

Here are some posts by friends over at the Linkfest for which I have shared this: The Pink Flamigo: Is New NASA Administrator Bad News For NASA?, Leaning Straight Up: Pigs Fly As I Agree With Ken Schram Over Seattle's Poop-Scoop, third world county: Mexico in Turmoil?, Democrat=Socialist: Nice Degign If You're Stalin, Woman Honor Thyself: Woman Honor Thyself, The Pink Flamingo: Stop The Conservative Republican Madness, and The World According To Carl: I'm Glad I Don't Live In Or Near Fargo, North Dakota, thanks to Linkfest Haven Deluxe.

Here are posts from friends who wanted to share their fabulous work with you:
1. Rosemary's News and Ideas: To Libs: I Want A Divorce! (My WP site.)
2. Wingless: Why Would Israel Bomb a School?
3. Adam's Blog: Inaugural Double Standards.
4. Woman Honor Thyself: Cease-Fire in Israel?
5. third world county: "Look on my works ye mighty…".
6. The World According To Carl: Uncle Jay Explains The News — January 19, 2009.
7. Conservative Cat: I'm Back.
8. Woman Honor Thyself: Obama is not Martin Luther King…or GoD.

Cross-posted @ Rosemary's News and Ideas. Digg! Digg!

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