Friday, July 11, 2008

Until we meet again, dear Furball

My dearest Furball,

I'm so sorry I am not at the hospital with you. I forgot John was taking you there today. I had no idea you were so ill. Your liver is shot, you have tubes all the place, and you need a feeding tube. The medicines are many, and you are suffering. Should we force you to stay alive? This is difficult for me, because I love you. I also do not believe it is my right to decide whether or not to make this kind of decision. However, you may not know this, but we are financially poor.

My first response was, "I don't care how much it costs, keep her alive!" Then it was explained to me that they had specialists coming in from all over the place, and even they said there was no guarantee of your survival. I hate money!

No, it's not money I hate, it's the fact that we do not have enough to keep you with us. I didn't even get the chance to say, 'Until we meet again.' I miss you already, and you are not even on your way to Heaven! Do not worry. We have plenty pictures of you, and we will place them right next to Gracie's pictures. Every time we feel blue, we will look at those pictures and remember you.

Do you remember the time when I was living across the hall and you attack Flea? That is because you had just receive Pun'kin as your adopted daughter. You were a very good protector. I don't know what she is going to do without you, but she will find a way to carry on. She is good hands, Furball.

Damn it, I feel responsible. I noticed you were getting skinny, and everyone kept telling me it was natural. You were even taken to a doctor who said you were fine. I think I shall have that veterinarian's license pulled! How could not have known? Heck, I KNEW there was something wrong. If I had known this would be the result, I would not have pushed and pushed him to take you to the vet. Please forgive me, dear Furball.

In Heaven, there is no more pain, there is tall grass for you to romp in, there is perfect tempature, there is your favorite food, there are no more worries, and we shall be there someday to join you. Don't you worry about us. We'll be alright, except this excruxiating pain I feel in my heart. It does go away. It took years for it to go away after we lost Gracie, but I always smile fondly when I look at it now. I remember all the good times we shared, and I thank God for giving me permission to watch over His adorable creature. I thank Him also for you. Until we meet again...

May you walk with the LORD always, and when you cannot take another step, may He carry you the rest of the way to Heaven.

Cross-posted @ Rosemary's News and Ideas.

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